It has been a while since I posted anything on my blog. It has been a dry spell. I have no muse and my inner one has SAD; you know, Seasonal Affect Disorder. The dreary skies, the ice, the snow (which is beautiful until you have to drive in it), the blustery winds, and frigidly cold temperatures have driven her deep under the bed covers.
The fire-place is going on the other side of the house, and I find myself cuddled up on the coach with a blanket watching favorite movies more often than clicking my fingers on this keypad. But a friend “googled” me yesterday and then wrote an email that threw me for a loop. What did he mean by “cheater?”
He found a post on Twitter that I had made some time ago. I had gone to Twitter originally just to find out what all the hoopla was about. Ashton Krutcher had just reached the 1 million followers mark and was bragging about it. I started following Ashton but quickly got bored with his all day, all night posts. Do I really need a moment by moment update of what Ashton (cute as he may be) is thinking? I simply don’t care to Twitter any more.
But after a conversation over with yet another married man who asked me to lunch, I found myself impelled to make a post and see if people would comment and follow the post…”if given the opportunity would all men cheat?” I didn’t believe it but had met two men who were adamant about it. No one ever commented, so I ended my Twittering career. Then…
I found FACEBOOK. It is a much more suited community for me. I have made some significant “notes” on my page. More people see my posts and comment than here at my blog space. But I digress…
Would you like to know what really prompted this post today? I found a post from March 1, 2009 on MySpace. I wrote it right after a tearful “breakup” with a married man. Rather than repeat the whole story, let me see if I can do a “cut and paste”. You can read the post for yourself:
March 1, 2009 – Sunday
I wish I could be happy for him today…
Current mood: sad
Category: Romance and Relationships
There are those like Dr Phil who call us “pathetic”. There are those who call us worse things than that. But I know there are other women like me who never planned to but did fall in love with a married man. We were just friends having lunch, laughing, using the other as a sounding board when you just needed someone to listen. I guess that is why you don’t allow yourself to listen to the difficulties and the things he was unhappy with in his marriage. You aren’t watching closely, guarding your heart when he expresses the pain of wishing he could just walk away but knowing at this age, it is financially devastating to end a marriage and expect to recover before you hit retirement age. He kept hoping that she would just get tired and say she wanted out. Now he has decided he would be better off mending the bridge than tearing it down. Isn’t that what God wants? Marriages to be restored? Maybe it won’t take as long as it took to get over my parent’s deaths. Maybe it won’t be another three or four years before another really wonderful man crosses my path. There are those who say he will come along when I could care less that he ever comes along. My heart says there is no such day.
God allowed this misbehavior without dire consequences but not without consequences all together. To find yourself in love with someone you cannot see every day or talk to every day or really share the good and bad of life every day. that is quite painful in itself. On top of that, each encounter brings the day of reckoning nearer.
God disciplines those he loves like a parent disciplines a misbehaving child. The goal is correction of the misbehavior. Now each time we meet for lunch, I find myself wondering, “will this be the embarrassing moment that someone I know or someone he knows sees us, and then spreads the word? Will it lead back to my boss? Will I lose my job over this? I am 55. It was hard enough to get this job…” And on and on go my thoughts.
I am reminded of a comment one of my oldest (not in age just how long we have known each other) and dearest friends made when I visited a few weeks ago. I don’t remember the exact words but the basic message was, “do you want to learn the lesson the hard way or the easy way”; do I want to go through the fire to learn a lesson or draw upon what I know to be right?”
So why can’t I simply enjoy being alone until the right man comes into my life. Let’s go back to the fact that I am 55 years old. It is just not that easy. I have been online since 2001. I have met gentlemen that are still friends, but I find myself growing more cynical with each new “scam” artist I meet.
But what about just enjoying being single and finding my fulfillment in that? Great idea but very hard to live out! It was God Himself that said of Adam, “it is not good that man be alone…let us make a suitable companion.” God Himself endeavored to fulfill a need that He Himself had created in Adam’s life.
He gave him the enormous task of naming all the animals. In that task Adam begins to notice that all the animals have “mates”. He notices he has none. It creates that envious feeling of not sharing the advantage that all of creation seems to have, a suitable companion. God who knows our hearts, started with the knowing of Adam’s.
God creates Eve and brings her to Adam who declares, “Ish ah…this is flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone…she shall be called wo-man.” So when I feel those heart crushing pangs of loneliness or the missing of my companion, I can’t seem to brush it away by saying, “I am fulfilled in myself…I am complete just as I am.”
To combat it, I tend to get angry, and when I get angry, I close myself off the love, which is ultimately what we all want. We all want to know there is one person on the planet who “sees” us and chooses to be with us above all others. There is someone who knows we are here and acknowledges that we matter.
If it seems like I am rambling, maybe I am but that is me today…
Rambling Rose…
A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet…
As to writing, I think my inner child is in rebellion. I was such a dutiful, parent-pleasing child. It is all catching up with me now. I want to live my own life, but I have to allow a certain level of defiance ore disobedience to finally settle into making my own wise adult decisions.
I stay indoors during thunderstorms. Lightning strikes send 90 people in the US to their Maker every year!



When you shove your liberal agenda down the public’s throat, and you condemn those who say anything, isn’t it like social rape? If an assailant attacks you, holding you down, shoves a piece of cloth in your mouth, holds a blade to your throat, and then threatens to use the blade if you protest, how many choices do you have? You risk your very life to free yourself. My goodness people! How far will we let the assailant on our social morality go?